TFLN ┆ to: skye
(870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
(404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
(516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
(714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
(850): my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
(712): The police scanner is talking about you again....
(510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
(856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
(937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
(412): you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
(240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
(606): That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
